Yearning

My heart yearns for another place at another time—a time when things were happier. It seems my soul is drying out, withering in this shallow existence of my present-tense. Today, tomorrow, yesterday—which is it now? The days appear to be running together, mixing, and spiraling out of control until today is yesterday, tomorrow is a dream, and yesterday is but a memory of another lifetime. I peer out into the grey shades which I call a world and the mundaness causes me to look away. It’s been so long since joy has truly entered this dwelling, but I got tired of being stepped on by others and seeing people being used. I was tired of not feeling good enough and knowing I was destined for so much more. This fragile organ within my chest broken when so many had trampled on it, but now I find it hardening, becoming trapped in this shell of a human being. My mind rules my emotions now and logic is all that seems to make sense. I pose questions: “Can I truly love again, is there any emotion left, am I ever going to feel love or is it worry of being alone that compels me to think I’m in love, and if I do feel again is it love or lust that drives me?” Then I ask, “Is my mind so in control that every detail must be calculated or does faith still have room?” These questions of my hear and soul, I ask and so many more, but I truly have no answers to give. And so, I yearn for that other place and time when answers come so easily and there you were…